____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

____What Do You Wanna Do With Your Life?

I have sort of figured out why i wanted to do a blog. Firstly, it has probably to do with my liking for writing. And secondly, like what i have noted in my first entry, it is to vent some frustrations out. And because of the liking for writing, i have decided to express myself in proper English and also using the correct punctuations and of course, no shorthand of any form. And of course, there are also many corrections to make to my blog along the way, but it shall be done in stages.

Today, I have just submitted the "Form for Returning National Servicemen" confirming that I am able to enrol for Engineering course in the year 2004.
And i have realised two things that will feature significantly for the rest of my life from this simple act.

I hate administration. I hate the way we have to apply for everything that we want, but i also understand the importance of it. I am someone who likes everything to be kept as simple as possible with everything neatly mapped out for me to follow. I was indignant when my section instructor during my Sispec days told me that I am more of a follower than a leader and that I needed more time to develop leading skills. Afterall, I was a leader in my secondary school uniform group in some point of my life. As such, i was seething from that comment. Nevertheless, I took the criticism in my stride and now I have come to agree to a certain extent that, yes, I do need guidance during the points of my life when change is inevitable. Thus, I am grateful to my peers who have helped me somehow or another in discovering the channels to go to in administrating for certain stuff, namely Uni admissions. And I have learnt to appreciate the convenience that comes along with having access to the Internet.

Learn to be independant. Learn to live with administration.

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In the process of filling up the form, just before clicking on the "submit" button, a thought that was kept at the back of my head for two years suddenly hit me like a bullet.

"What exactly do I want to do with my life? Is engineering the course for me?"

I realised that this is another a major question that needs to be looked into. I also realised that I have avoided this question by conveniently telling myself that "some people, at a ripe old age of forty, didn't know what to do with our lives."

Is this the right thinking? I wish someone is there to answer me. Because I have not really enjoyed or excelled in any subject areas unless I count football in, and I know I have not excelled in that area yet. Being a kiasu Singaporean, I know that the option of football really will not make the cut here, especially being already 20, the chances are really slim. I suppose it is still not too late to start thinking. But i also realise that given my abysmal A level results, and the fact that I did not sit for SAT, changing courses is really out of the question for me.

What I can do now, is sit, think, plot out my route and go about doing what I need to do, re-plotting at every possible milestone or failure, to really excel in whatever that I would be doing. Somebody, who reads this, will have to constantly remind me about my goals and targets. And persistantly ask me this question, should I stray, to get me thinking again:

"What exactly do YOU want to do with YOUR life?"

I hope I can answer this before the "ripe old age of forty".

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