____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

01:03
Monday, May 31, 2004

____A Life for Everyone

I have been really busy. Busy with helping out at the Volkswagon Open and have some idea of how a major tournament should be organised. It was really tough, but it was also a very good opportunity to learn.

Though there was very little time to think about the events and action that happened over the past few days. Moments and images creep back into the mind like a slideshow. The moments that I would not forget. The images of talent. The images of hard work. The images of champions. THe images of losers. The images of teen prodigies live in action right in front of me.

To say that I am not jealous is a lie. In the end, the question boils down to what have I achieved?

I am talking about young Ai Fukuhara - the teenage table tennis wonder of Japan. Only 15 years of age and already ranked 25th in the world. It is really difficult not to like her. Adorable and amazingly skilful, she has the whole of Japan right behind her footsteps. Yes, I am jealous.

However, she strikes to me as a girl who is very frustrated with all the attention, all the stares, all the fans. Her tiny frame, her puny body, how can such a young girl take so much? Most of the time, her face is a permanent frown - a worried look. When the cameras did not stop, the fans did not cease to persist, she draped her towel over her head in a bid to hide from everyone. It seems to me, that she really wants out. Out from the limelight, away from everybody. It seems that she is jealous of everyone normal.

Maybe it is my consolation for myself. I tend to console myself so as not to think too lowly. However, I also think that everyone has their own life to live. I suppose it is lucky to be born with huge talents, but I want to live my life the way I want it to be. I want to be in control with it. I do not want to run around adoring idols. I try not to compare - I must not try to compare (although it is really hard).

I do not understand why people have to go around asking for autographs. I look at the Singaporean kids running around the whole stadium asking for autographs, even the Sports Sch athletes. I really feel like knocking some sense into their cotton wool heads. Don't just like them. Be them. Life your life and work hard to be like them. Don't be their shadows.

Everyone is entitled to their lives. I'm gonna live my own.

Currently Feeling Like: Nicky Butt (Man Utd) wanting to quit Man Utd to live his life.

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13:14
Saturday, May 22, 2004

____Life Is Short

"Time flies"

"Time and tide wait for no one"

How true all these phrases are. How well they reflect the people and their attitude around me. How sad. How many times have I regretted? "

"In the blink of an eye"

In the blink of an eye, I am into my second decade of my life. What have I achieved? What will I achieve? In another three blinks, I do not know where I will be. Or should I say, what will I be? Will I be a wandering spirit in the cold lonely world? Will I have consciousness? Or will I be disintergrated?

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

How many times have I regretted doing something that I should not do? How many times I regretted not doing something that I could have done to achieve something. How many times when I could have said things that I wanted to say but did not dare?

Life is short. I want to make the best use of every chance, every moment...

Currently Feeling Like: Cristiano Ronaldo (Man Utd) doing his tricks to attract the attention from Man Utd.

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21:45
Sunday, May 16, 2004

____Teddy Bear Campmate

Wilson Chen - teddy bear - chief clerk of my unit - I have a lot of things to say about this rolly-polly guy.

On first impression, he strikes to me as another snobbish new clerk. Big talk, lousy football, irritating, irritatable... if you do not like a guy, the list can go on forever. Of course, my fellow coursemates and their seniors must have had a part into turning him into such a person during his short stint in Maju. We did not have much in common to talk about, and even when I left for AHM training soon after knowing him, not a decent conversation has been struck.

"Clerks..." I thought to myself.

One night, after all the AHM stuff, I was back in my unit, doing my regimental Duty Instructor duties. It so happened that the Duty Clerk on that day had to stay late too to check on the contractor, while I situated myself in the gym. Soon the contractor finish whatever he was working on and Wilson came to the gym to join me since he did not see a point going home alone as my duty was ending soon too.

"You know this guy..." He was referring to the common enemy and so the ice was broken, the barriers were crushed.

I realised he is not that snobbish, not that "new clerk". In fact, he is a person who possess come depth, a profound thought process, and no lack of humour at its highest level. Constantly looking for fun, he is one of those I look for when I am bored in camp.

I realised I began to challenge myself to quash all impression that he is a lousy footballer. Soon, after Parry football, I began to see his style and played around it. Our team, later termed "The Catalans", then founded and set the benchmark for football in our camp and how it is to be played.

Today, I saw another side of him. He may not notice it, which is the reason why I am writing this here. While playing football at Parry again, this tanned, fit-looking guy trotted onto the pitch to the calls of welcome from the rest of the players. And then, I saw Wilson, almost running up to him, exchanging words which I could not hear. But he was obviously beaming from end to end, like a little boy, he may deny this, but he WAS beaming. Come to think of it, it was hilarious to look at. To think someone with great aspirations would have a real life "idol".
______________________________________________________

Maybe it was me initially, being the high and mighty one. It is difficult to accept new people in your lives. After some thought, I realised that to go places, meeting new people is an everyday thing. One cannot avoid it. It is a matter of accepting them as they are, and taking the initiative to break the ice. It has been fun hanging out together, I am thankful to get to know the people that I know. I am more thankful for those who took the initiative to break the ice between me and them.

Currently Feeling Like: Tired Roy Keane (Man Utd) after playing a fast-paced, highly-competitive match.

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23:06
Monday, May 10, 2004

____The Monster

The monster looms closer and closer, eating up the days and hours. Its thrashing can be heard from since a few weeks ago, threathening to flatten any impending obstacles. I ran. But it is faster. I could clearly smell its stinking breath of rot and decay. There is no running from it. Soon, it will enlarge its horrendous gap and swallow me whole. And I will be pushed down the gullet, into another new environment within its stomach - NTU.

Such is the feeling of mine now. ORD IS round the corner. It will engulf me whole before I know it. Ahead is such an uncertainty that I begin to question - "Am I looking forward? Or am I dreading the day that I leave the organisation?"

"Will I be able to cope?"

"Will I still enjoy football?"

"Will I enjoy the company of the new people around me?"

While the above are some questions that will be solved when the time comes, the most curious question will be..

"Am I the only one having doubts about ORD?"

It seems like those whose ORD are near will only start questioning. While the rest would be envious, jealous, and pass remarks like "I'm gonna ***** you when you ORD" - threathening a "celebration" on the victim's last day of service.

Oh well, just have to be more wary when these people are around. In the meantime, better enjoy my last few days of football with my fellow campmates.

Currently Feeling Like: Dennis Bergkamp (Arsenal) at the end of his contract and not knowing what to expect next.

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12:32
Saturday, May 01, 2004

____Rest

Ahhh... Finally a full weekend to rest and stay home. The feeling is great. It has been months since I spent a Saturday night sleeping on my bed and waking up late on a Sunday morning. It is all because of my NS working hours. (Do not even think about it, I am not going to explain my bloody NS timing and leave clearance and off-days... It is damn tiring to repeat over and over to all my friends about it.

Have not played football for six days now. My feet are kind of itching again. Of course, the urge can subside by occassional kickabouts in the office and out at the field in my camp. But recently I begin to realise all the ball marks on the walls of the office. Think I have to be more discreet now playing football in the office. Or else will kena another extra.

The procrastinator in me finally got down to doing something that has always been on my mind - enroll in a school to learn driving and get a license. Few days back, when the work timing started to switch back to afternoon reporting, I have much time in hand and together with friends, I went to the Ubi driving centre to start enroll. Not much observations made over there. Just that the counter girl was friendly and that my heart hurt when I took out a thousand plus bucks to "bank" into the account with the school.

All said, I will end this entry here. Have not had much writing motivation these days.

Currently Feeling Like: Ruud van Nistlerooy (Man Utd) hitting blanks for the past few games.

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____T.A.G.B.O.A.R.D

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