____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

____A confirmation of my existance...

Now that I am down injured in my back and the doctor has recommended me to rest for at least two weeks, seems like, my holidays would be just another set of aimless days. What originally was a period that has been eagerly looked forward to has just lost its meaning. Life is meaningless again.

Feeling kind of moody now. No one around, sitting at my table the whole day, waiting for something that wouldn't happen to happen. Not just particularly something. Anything. Anything of slightest interest at all. But no. Nothing will happen. I am down injured. I can't go for my favourite lonely jog to pass my time. I am sick of gaming. There is no one to talk to.

Just finished watching episode 21 of A Date With Vampire 3. There is this character who never dies, never ages, and has been living on earth since the start of time. He was the one who created man, yet lived millions of years even before he did so. He tells a story of loneliness. And yet he defines loneliness in another way. He mentioned - there are two types of loneliness. One of which is knowing that there are people around but no one is willing to be around. He suffered from a different type before he created man - peaceful loneliness. The type which the sufferer doesn't even know whether anything or anyone existed around him.

Up till this point, many which have thought why didn't I move on to episode 22. But probably would have argued that maybe I have not have episode 22 yet. Quenching doubts, I will confess that I do have episode 22. In fact, I have up till episode 27. I have all the time to watch all these episodes, but again, no. No, I will not be moving on until I can no longer take this loneliness. Because everyone knows that once tempted, the urge is strong. Once, the loneliness is curbed, the yearning will come back, and sooner or later, episode 27 will be gone and done with and I will probably die in my room. And rot over here over the weekend until someone smells the foul stench that seeps through the seams of the door and windows.
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he threw his business bag beside his table and slumped into the uneasy comfort of his chair. the silence is deafening as he reached out for the "on" button of the computer. sean has been doing this the past three and a half years and he know that there will be more years to come. more opening the doors to the darkness of his new york apartment. more exhausting reaches for the "on" button.

not for the first time, he looks at the table clock, wondering when will it be twelve, when he can snugly tuck into bed and forget about everything around him. he groaned when he realised that it was only half past eight. he had tried to stay on as late as possible in the office but he knew that if he did not leave soon, the building will be closed and will not open until the next morning.

for a moment, he stared blankly at the solemn monitor, he fingers instintively hovered the cursor over the "msn" icon and clicked on it. as he waited for the programme to load, his attention came to the picture on his desk...
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I shall now boil water and cook instant noodles as I try to reconfirm my existance. Not for the first time...

Currently Feeling Like: Out for the rest of the season.

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