____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

____Good Job?

Approximately 9 hrs after I learnt about the examination results for my first semester in NTU. Although I half expected it, the fact that I will have to retake chemistry next semester still leaves a sickening feeling inside me. And to make matters worse, my former PE teacher during my JC time died in a tragic traffic accident.

Up till this point, if I had not heard of this piece of news, I would not have thought about it. But upon reflection, I could not have but feel a little sad for this young man with budding aspirations as a teacher. Perhaps what we do have a little in common (me a PTI and he a PE teacher), I think back and realise the glint in his eye when he tries to impart knowledge about physical education to us. Like me, we both have aspirations to tell others more about sports and physical training. Yet, like me, he too, holds back and become less aspiring when faced with a group of disbelieving students (in my case, friends or people around me to be more general).

9 hrs on, my mind is still in a blur. It is equivocating to be exact. One half tells me about the mess I have gotten myself into. Reading "Alex Ferguson - Managing My Life" does not make me feel any better. It just goes to prove how useless people my age are in Singapore nowadays. There he was, at the age of seven, deciding to play football no matter how bad the conditions are, kids here are just learning their first vocabulary of vulgarities from their peers.

How Sir Alex made things happen and go his way is amazing considering the difficult times and surroundings. He was one who couldn't make it in his studies. He juggled an apprenticeship as a toolmaker while training as an amateur footballer. He had to deal with mugs and bullies in his area. He had to live by his father's stern expectations. He was thrown early into the politics of the footballing world. At the club, he made his own decisions, often important decisions that will affect his career move in the future. Boy, kids these days get it easy. I would probably identify myself as "kids these days".

This is probably one of the worst month this year. Having to deal with so many varying commitments, setbacks and blows. Everything couldn't come at a worse time - this period being the holidays. Listing the commitments for the upteenth time - football, track, road relay, publications, GE, friends, campmates and myself(at least I thought I could devote sometime to myself this hols). I was pretty looking forward to football, track and road relay. Disaster struck, injuring my back. To be honest, I asked for it, considering my refusal to rest it when it felt bad.
Once, when there was a time I took pride in being a decent footballer/runner, but now it seems I have nothing worth to tell myself "Good Job" at the end of the day. And yes, it feels sick not being able to link yourself to something decent at the end of the day.

Suddenly, I'm looking forward to the start of the new semester to set things right again.

10 hrs on. My mind still equivocates between reprimanding myself that "you are a useless bum!" and spurring myself on to inspirational heights next semester...

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