up from my brain is where I bleed...
____F.I.N.D.I.N.G
Searching
Refective
Enigmatic
____M.Y.S.E.L.F
My life spins outta control without football.
Currently in search for inner peace.
Finding myself furthur and furthur away from it..
____F.O.R.E.V.E.R
Archives
Searching
Refective
Enigmatic
____M.Y.S.E.L.F
My life spins outta control without football.
Currently in search for inner peace.
Finding myself furthur and furthur away from it..
____F.O.R.E.V.E.R
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18:03
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
____Riding The Mad Bull
Was having a conversation with my Dad a couple of days back as he drove me back to school. A very factual, image-stimulating, truth-hitting conversation. In a way, it was a conversation that made me think.
It started when I was asking him about some cars, their quality, costs and reliability. Since young, I was pretty much into cars (not racing ones though), and even though over the years when football took centre stage, this "car thing" in me never died. In fact, the interest grew again after I got my license and I have been asking about car prices whereas in the past, I was asking more on drive quality and performance.
The topic on car prices brought the conversation towards the question of standard of living and the government policies. I shan't go into politics in this entry though, and I am not as stupid as to touch on a sensitive topic that I don't know a heck about.
My Dad went on about this acquaintance he has. Probably his work acquaintance. I won't say of inferior background but this person is a company driver/labourer of some sort, earning about a $1200 a month, or so my Dad claims. Let's call him Ah Tat (No, he's not the "man with the masterplan"). Then there is his wife who goes complaining to others about how the family doesn't own a car and how pathetic that is. This is where the problem comes in. The problem about how humans, maybe to be more specific, Singaporeans fall victims to their own lifestyle expectations.
Ah Tat probably felt slightly pressurized by his wife, for he proceeded to purchase a Hyundai Matrix (a small Korean car - yes, I think it's a pretty affordable car). However, realistically speaking, at a monthly income of $1200 per month, owning a car is pretty much out of the mind. Sad as this may sound, he had to survive with bread while moving on the road for lunch thereafter. "Unhealthy" comes to mind. Ah Tat isn't the biggest of all men, yet he had to do a labouring job. Soon, he came down with a back injury.
What a predicament he, his wife's expectations and the car brought him into. How he survives now, I really don't know, but now I think of whether if it is actually worth owning a car, especially in Singapore. In fact, car "owners" are actually "renting" a car. A new car's COE expires in 10 years. In the meantime, there's taxes and maintenance of all sorts to deal with. After which, the car has to be scrapped whether or not it is in tip top condition and that may return a measly sum of money. Isn't that renting or what?
So we went on to talk about how we can't actually save up to buy stuff (stuff here means cars and houses). Another family once contemplated buying a landed property (very much earlier in the developing years of Singapore). Which is a good idea, since semi-Ds don't turn into peanuts in 10 years. In fact, they turn into much more valuable semi-Ds. So, this family started saving up to buy a say $400 000 house in 1970. 2 years later, they saved up to $50 000. Plus previous savings, that would give them $300 000. Pretty good progress? No way. The semi-D now costs $800 000. Buy now, idiots! Pay the deposit and monthly installments thereafter!!
Ok, maybe that should have come into mind in the first place. But isn't that being dragged down by "lifestyle expectations"? Let's say one earns $3000 a month and yet yearns to buy a semi-D of which installments costs up till $1000 a month. Still an affordable sum. Now what if, having paid the deposit for the house and along the way, economic crisis occurs and this person gets retrenched? Would he be able to dig in and hang on?
Singaporeans are lucky that all of them (or most of them) get a roof over their heads in the form of HDB. But if you are one who craves a high class standard of living, unless you are really a big boss, a doctor, a lawyer or someone along these lines, maybe Singapore is not the right place.
We are all merely riding on a mad bull's back. Once fallen off, the enraged bull will gorge its horns through one's intestines.
Monday, March 21, 2005
It started when I was asking him about some cars, their quality, costs and reliability. Since young, I was pretty much into cars (not racing ones though), and even though over the years when football took centre stage, this "car thing" in me never died. In fact, the interest grew again after I got my license and I have been asking about car prices whereas in the past, I was asking more on drive quality and performance.
The topic on car prices brought the conversation towards the question of standard of living and the government policies. I shan't go into politics in this entry though, and I am not as stupid as to touch on a sensitive topic that I don't know a heck about.
My Dad went on about this acquaintance he has. Probably his work acquaintance. I won't say of inferior background but this person is a company driver/labourer of some sort, earning about a $1200 a month, or so my Dad claims. Let's call him Ah Tat (No, he's not the "man with the masterplan"). Then there is his wife who goes complaining to others about how the family doesn't own a car and how pathetic that is. This is where the problem comes in. The problem about how humans, maybe to be more specific, Singaporeans fall victims to their own lifestyle expectations.
Ah Tat probably felt slightly pressurized by his wife, for he proceeded to purchase a Hyundai Matrix (a small Korean car - yes, I think it's a pretty affordable car). However, realistically speaking, at a monthly income of $1200 per month, owning a car is pretty much out of the mind. Sad as this may sound, he had to survive with bread while moving on the road for lunch thereafter. "Unhealthy" comes to mind. Ah Tat isn't the biggest of all men, yet he had to do a labouring job. Soon, he came down with a back injury.
What a predicament he, his wife's expectations and the car brought him into. How he survives now, I really don't know, but now I think of whether if it is actually worth owning a car, especially in Singapore. In fact, car "owners" are actually "renting" a car. A new car's COE expires in 10 years. In the meantime, there's taxes and maintenance of all sorts to deal with. After which, the car has to be scrapped whether or not it is in tip top condition and that may return a measly sum of money. Isn't that renting or what?
So we went on to talk about how we can't actually save up to buy stuff (stuff here means cars and houses). Another family once contemplated buying a landed property (very much earlier in the developing years of Singapore). Which is a good idea, since semi-Ds don't turn into peanuts in 10 years. In fact, they turn into much more valuable semi-Ds. So, this family started saving up to buy a say $400 000 house in 1970. 2 years later, they saved up to $50 000. Plus previous savings, that would give them $300 000. Pretty good progress? No way. The semi-D now costs $800 000. Buy now, idiots! Pay the deposit and monthly installments thereafter!!
Ok, maybe that should have come into mind in the first place. But isn't that being dragged down by "lifestyle expectations"? Let's say one earns $3000 a month and yet yearns to buy a semi-D of which installments costs up till $1000 a month. Still an affordable sum. Now what if, having paid the deposit for the house and along the way, economic crisis occurs and this person gets retrenched? Would he be able to dig in and hang on?
Singaporeans are lucky that all of them (or most of them) get a roof over their heads in the form of HDB. But if you are one who craves a high class standard of living, unless you are really a big boss, a doctor, a lawyer or someone along these lines, maybe Singapore is not the right place.
We are all merely riding on a mad bull's back. Once fallen off, the enraged bull will gorge its horns through one's intestines.
---------------------------------
21:46Monday, March 21, 2005
____Sick
Haven't been writing much. Not that nothing really happened. Just that so many things happened and I don't know where to start.
Time really flies. It's been more than a week since I wrote here. Then again, maybe I have been too sick last week to put in an entry. Seehiong asked me to run and so I did even though I wasn't feeling to good last Monday. It turned out that it was a moment of bad decision and I fall sick.
It was one of the worse fevers I had. My whole body was aching over from my neck to my calves. Plus, the sore throat was unbearable and my nose was leaking like a busted tap. My head throbbed like an earthquake and I woke several times at night due to pure discomfort the fever gave me. Never felt so weak in my life before.
Anyways, I'm better now, except for the lingering cough that doesn't seem to go away. But right now, I don't really have time to be bothered bt this. I have already lost 1 week of study time due to the fever. It's about time to get back to study again...
Yes, and that's because the exams are just around the corner.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Time really flies. It's been more than a week since I wrote here. Then again, maybe I have been too sick last week to put in an entry. Seehiong asked me to run and so I did even though I wasn't feeling to good last Monday. It turned out that it was a moment of bad decision and I fall sick.
It was one of the worse fevers I had. My whole body was aching over from my neck to my calves. Plus, the sore throat was unbearable and my nose was leaking like a busted tap. My head throbbed like an earthquake and I woke several times at night due to pure discomfort the fever gave me. Never felt so weak in my life before.
Anyways, I'm better now, except for the lingering cough that doesn't seem to go away. But right now, I don't really have time to be bothered bt this. I have already lost 1 week of study time due to the fever. It's about time to get back to study again...
Yes, and that's because the exams are just around the corner.
---------------------------------
16:35Friday, March 11, 2005
____Psst...
It is Friday. It's been another sick week. So damn sick of everything. Will someone come along and pull me out of this abyss?
It's like I'm in the middle of an evil aura. The atmosphere surrounding is so cold. Emptiness pours. Junming keeps asking me to relax. It'll be a while when that happens. (If it ever happens)
I just received my Maths Quiz back today. I got an F. And you know what that letter stands for.
I half expected it but really, it's not like I haven't been trying. Sucks to the core when the effort you put in only warrants an F.
____________________________________________________
I have an interesting story to tell...
My time during Basic Military Training was pretty interesting in a way. I have come to respect people the way that I have never respected anyone before. Not even the kind of respect I show my capable CIs back then in secondary school during NPCC. But I have to single out this platoon sergeant of mine during my time in BMT for special mention.
2SG was his rank. Aw was his surname. He was one cool dude. Short tempered but always just and fair. All my platoon mates respected and adored him.
Anyways, in BMT there was always competition to see which was the better platoon. And I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of the water parades that the army conducts so as to prevent the soldiers from heat injuries.
There's this rhyme/cheer/vow that everyone recites before their "drinking up". Something that goes "Loyalty to country, Leadership....." The 7 core values of the SAF.
There was this thing about Phua Chu Kang at that time too. So the different platoons would add "Jaguar (that's my company name - J) Platoon 1, best in BMTC school 1 and school 2! Drink Up!" after their recital.
Then Platoon 2 will go " Jaguar Platoon 2, best in BMTC school 1 and school 2! AND SOME SAY TEKONG! DRINK UP!"
And so, my platoon, Platoon 3 were deciding on what words we should add behind that long recital. There was discussion going round and the conclusion was that we will say "BEST IN
UNIVERSE!"
The excitement that we're about to beat the earlier two platoons in the drinking cheer was growing. (which was kinda childish... But hey, team spirit!) Soon, a commotion evolved and the other platoons were beginning to know our plans to out-do them. We were just about to begin our cheer when a loud voice boomed.
"EH PLATOON 3!!! SHOUT SO LOUD FOR WHAT?! NO NEED TO SHOW OFF LAH!! YOU KNOW I KNOW CAN ALREADY, NO NEED TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW!!!"
That was my platoon sergeant. And you know why we respected him so much.
But I'll leave this entry with a thought - "You know I know can already. Don't have to let the whole world know"...
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
It's like I'm in the middle of an evil aura. The atmosphere surrounding is so cold. Emptiness pours. Junming keeps asking me to relax. It'll be a while when that happens. (If it ever happens)
I just received my Maths Quiz back today. I got an F. And you know what that letter stands for.
I half expected it but really, it's not like I haven't been trying. Sucks to the core when the effort you put in only warrants an F.
____________________________________________________
I have an interesting story to tell...
My time during Basic Military Training was pretty interesting in a way. I have come to respect people the way that I have never respected anyone before. Not even the kind of respect I show my capable CIs back then in secondary school during NPCC. But I have to single out this platoon sergeant of mine during my time in BMT for special mention.
2SG was his rank. Aw was his surname. He was one cool dude. Short tempered but always just and fair. All my platoon mates respected and adored him.
Anyways, in BMT there was always competition to see which was the better platoon. And I'm pretty sure everyone's heard of the water parades that the army conducts so as to prevent the soldiers from heat injuries.
There's this rhyme/cheer/vow that everyone recites before their "drinking up". Something that goes "Loyalty to country, Leadership....." The 7 core values of the SAF.
There was this thing about Phua Chu Kang at that time too. So the different platoons would add "Jaguar (that's my company name - J) Platoon 1, best in BMTC school 1 and school 2! Drink Up!" after their recital.
Then Platoon 2 will go " Jaguar Platoon 2, best in BMTC school 1 and school 2! AND SOME SAY TEKONG! DRINK UP!"
And so, my platoon, Platoon 3 were deciding on what words we should add behind that long recital. There was discussion going round and the conclusion was that we will say "BEST IN
UNIVERSE!"
The excitement that we're about to beat the earlier two platoons in the drinking cheer was growing. (which was kinda childish... But hey, team spirit!) Soon, a commotion evolved and the other platoons were beginning to know our plans to out-do them. We were just about to begin our cheer when a loud voice boomed.
"EH PLATOON 3!!! SHOUT SO LOUD FOR WHAT?! NO NEED TO SHOW OFF LAH!! YOU KNOW I KNOW CAN ALREADY, NO NEED TO LET THE WHOLE WORLD KNOW!!!"
That was my platoon sergeant. And you know why we respected him so much.
But I'll leave this entry with a thought - "You know I know can already. Don't have to let the whole world know"...
---------------------------------
22:22Wednesday, March 09, 2005
____Good Guys Lose
Being good is bad.
Everyone's heard of stories of insubordination. How soldiers take their commanders' kindness for granted. Sometimes, the strings are needed to be tightened around the necks. Sometimes, when the kite flies too high, it's time to pull in the string.
Sometimes the nice people gets all the shit.
Sometimes people climb over our heads.
Most times, nasty people climb on top of the nice people and shit there.
When shit is thrown about, everyone gets into deep shit.
PLEASE DON'T COME RUNNING TOWARDS ME FOR A HUG WHEN YOU'RE COVERED WITH SHIT.
I'm not a chauffeur. Please don't look for me when you can't find the butler.
Nor am I the Company Sergeant Major (CSM). Don't bloody look for me when shit crops up.
Everyone's heard of stories of insubordination. How soldiers take their commanders' kindness for granted. Sometimes, the strings are needed to be tightened around the necks. Sometimes, when the kite flies too high, it's time to pull in the string.
Sometimes the nice people gets all the shit.
Sometimes people climb over our heads.
Most times, nasty people climb on top of the nice people and shit there.
When shit is thrown about, everyone gets into deep shit.
PLEASE DON'T COME RUNNING TOWARDS ME FOR A HUG WHEN YOU'RE COVERED WITH SHIT.
I'm not a chauffeur. Please don't look for me when you can't find the butler.
Nor am I the Company Sergeant Major (CSM). Don't bloody look for me when shit crops up.
---------------------------------
05:56____I can't believe this...
I just spent a bloody hour typing my thoughts on the Champions League. Gave my own feelings on the various teams. AND WENT ON AND ON ABOUT HOW CHELSEA SUCKS TO THE CORE...
And with a wrong depression of a button on my keyboard, all I'm left to prove how much I HATE CHELSEA, is this miserable entry...
I BLOODY HATE CHELSEA!!!!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
And with a wrong depression of a button on my keyboard, all I'm left to prove how much I HATE CHELSEA, is this miserable entry...
I BLOODY HATE CHELSEA!!!!
---------------------------------
23:57Saturday, March 05, 2005
____Responsibility
Just had a good day. Normal, pretty emotionless, little excitement, a little fun, a little study - I love it. It's maybe the ideal weekend - except for the lack of football, and going out with friends.
Nevertheless, I made up for everything by spending the evening sitting at the dinner table with my family. I had my grandparents over for dinner. And there was steamed fish! Yum. Living in a hostel doesn't provide the wonderful feeling of sharing a steamed fish at a dining table. How I loved it so much. Mum's cooking is always the best. Simple, healthy, delicious and home-y. Plus there was abalone and yes... yu sheng. Afterall, since my grandparents came over, there sure must be some "highlight" food. Haha!
______________________________________________
I went over to fetch my grandparents from their house. Well, I drove. I needed to practice my driving and recently, I've been doing good. I realised that many friends I have tend to have the misconception that once you passed the driving test, you are competent enough to be on the road. Well, I am lucky to have friends who do not feel this way too.
What I wanted to say was that the initial kick of getting into the driving seat quickly faded away again as soon as my grandparents got into the car. Don't mean to sound so serious but hey, the truth is, their lives are in my hands. Suddenly, the pressure to conform to safety was so evident. I became less lackadaisical and more careful with the humps as I tried to make it truly comfortable ride for them. Not that I haven't been a safe driver to begin with, but my mind keep playing with thoughts about the amount of responsibility I had. I had to bear in mind that my grandmother suffered from a mild stroke recently too.
Well, I survived the lesson on responsibility. It was a pretty good job done too. No complains from my dad and as usual, kept giving pointers and little notes to which parts of the road that can be dangerous as a rookie driver.
I wonder how come there can be so many accidents on the road. Don't drivers feel the responsibility that comes with driving their loved ones around?
______________________________________________
After that, I managed to give my brother a lift to Serangoon too.
Pretty fine day.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Nevertheless, I made up for everything by spending the evening sitting at the dinner table with my family. I had my grandparents over for dinner. And there was steamed fish! Yum. Living in a hostel doesn't provide the wonderful feeling of sharing a steamed fish at a dining table. How I loved it so much. Mum's cooking is always the best. Simple, healthy, delicious and home-y. Plus there was abalone and yes... yu sheng. Afterall, since my grandparents came over, there sure must be some "highlight" food. Haha!
______________________________________________
I went over to fetch my grandparents from their house. Well, I drove. I needed to practice my driving and recently, I've been doing good. I realised that many friends I have tend to have the misconception that once you passed the driving test, you are competent enough to be on the road. Well, I am lucky to have friends who do not feel this way too.
What I wanted to say was that the initial kick of getting into the driving seat quickly faded away again as soon as my grandparents got into the car. Don't mean to sound so serious but hey, the truth is, their lives are in my hands. Suddenly, the pressure to conform to safety was so evident. I became less lackadaisical and more careful with the humps as I tried to make it truly comfortable ride for them. Not that I haven't been a safe driver to begin with, but my mind keep playing with thoughts about the amount of responsibility I had. I had to bear in mind that my grandmother suffered from a mild stroke recently too.
Well, I survived the lesson on responsibility. It was a pretty good job done too. No complains from my dad and as usual, kept giving pointers and little notes to which parts of the road that can be dangerous as a rookie driver.
I wonder how come there can be so many accidents on the road. Don't drivers feel the responsibility that comes with driving their loved ones around?
______________________________________________
After that, I managed to give my brother a lift to Serangoon too.
Pretty fine day.
---------------------------------
21:42Wednesday, March 02, 2005
____Tired
One day of slogging out took practically all the fight away from me. I'm so dead tired now. I slept 4 hours the night before. I've been awake for the past 12 hours. I've walked rounds and rounds around the school. I've rushed back and forth from school to hall. I've run into so many people and kept asking for their help. Did I say I was dead tired? I am still.
I've got 2 quizzes tomorrow. Luckily I've started studying for physics early. But as for chemistry, I'm deeply regretful. I have to admit I've neglected it. Yes, it is a repeat subject. But that doesn't mean I want to repeat it again.
I've got many things at the back of my head. I want to sleep. I want to study. Etoile - my hall's culture night (or something) is going on. So damn noisy.
I'm so in need of a drug. I so badly want to play football. I can't. The situation is totally hopeless. My back still hurts. It's taking all my fight away. I want to lash out at so many people. But then they are the people I care for. Sorry if I've lashed out.
I want everything back. I want my sanity back.
I've got 2 quizzes tomorrow. Luckily I've started studying for physics early. But as for chemistry, I'm deeply regretful. I have to admit I've neglected it. Yes, it is a repeat subject. But that doesn't mean I want to repeat it again.
I've got many things at the back of my head. I want to sleep. I want to study. Etoile - my hall's culture night (or something) is going on. So damn noisy.
I'm so in need of a drug. I so badly want to play football. I can't. The situation is totally hopeless. My back still hurts. It's taking all my fight away. I want to lash out at so many people. But then they are the people I care for. Sorry if I've lashed out.
I want everything back. I want my sanity back.
---------------------------------
____T.A.G.B.O.A.R.D
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