____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

____Tranquilised

I found warmth today. Yet, contrary to what the title of this entry suggests, I'm still far from finding the peace that has been so elusive to the madness and equivocation within me.

I woke up today feeling weary, keeping in mind that I had to meet Wilson, Weng and Bruce for lunch. By the time I got on my feet, I knew I was going to be real late.

"Heck," I told myself. "That Wilson late for Parry the last time round also, give him a taste of his own medicine."

At the back of my head was this bugging thing that I had to get a present for my cousin' s birthday. Sounds simple. But to me, it's a damn bloody taxing task. Lots of factors comes in. I thought about "usable stuff" and maybe she has her own. I thought about clothes and fashion but I immediately cancel out the idea because I suck in fashion anyways.

Wilson-the-Idea-Man, suggested a book. Bruce-the-Lotsa-Comments-Man was having a low performance day by his standards. I was the No-Idea-Man, having no idea at all. (Actually I thought buying a book was just like a 'process' - the sort of 'going through the motion' and 'can't be bothered attitude'.) But then Wilson mentioned something that I thought was quite meaningful - "true that if you buy a book as a gift, it's so forgettable... but if you buy a gd book as a gift, the person will reminisce in the future and say 'oh this book I recommend to you coz I got it as a gift from so-and-so... it's a gd book'".

Convinced, I bought it.

I trust Wilson's judgement. He wasn't wrong about X Japan. Wilson-the-Braggart will also go on and on about his other judgements such as Troy, Matrix, many other books... He would go "Look Bruce, the only thing I was wrong about was this show called Big Fish... And you thought it was good."

Hahaha.. But I trust Wilson-the-Good-Judge. Hahaha...

The weariness grew on that day and the physically weak immune system of mine fell prey to the irritating cold again. I went home to rest before setting off for my cousin's place. But I didn't have a good rest. I was hot and cold at the same time. I took 1 pill. I took another. I left the house feeling the same, if not worse. My nose was a dripping tap. (It was a waterfall actually).

I felt lethargic and was finding it a chore. But in the end, it turned out to be a good experience. The chat with my another cousin who went overseas was enriching. The warmth I see within my cousin's family was refreshing. I also thought about how the warmth in a family can spread to the friends too, when I saw my cousin hug her good friend when she was presented with a bouquet of flowers.

I'm a lukewarm person. I hardly show warmth. Not that I don't care, it's just that maybe I wasn't brought up in an expressive environment. My biggest flaw is not showing that I care when I do.

7 hours later, the iron body succumbed to defeat. The drug overdose has kicked in. I'm now tranquilised...

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