____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

Kena fuck again at training today. Nevermind. Don't get fuck won't get to learn. Fuck me more thank you.

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17:44
Sunday, June 25, 2006

____2-0

Remember I once said when it comes to football, I hate losing? There are also others like Aik Leong and Zhiwei. They are those that really go crazy when their teammates aren't performing to standards. As in, they start giving people the hairdryer treatment when things don't go too well. I suppose it is this main reason that triggered off the half time talk by Zhiwei yesterday when we played against NUS.

"I don't mind you all not playing well. But when I fuck someone, please don't go and tell that person it's okay it's okay. It's not okay at all." He told the team with an agonizing, pleading look.

Strangely, I'm on the end of some hairdryer treatment. Most of the time from Aik Leong. I'm fine with it. Just that it gives me stress. These days I don't play with that I-can-kill-you-if-you-piss-me attitude anymore. Maybe that has given my oppenents a slight edge when it comes down 50-50 challenges. SQ said I'm too soft. Shaun said I lack confidence. Leslie said I was disappointing. Sigh, the things that one bloody ankle injury can do to you...
__________________________________________

Anyways, yesterday was a pretty good day. The morning match ended 2-0 in our favour. I spent the afternoon cleaning my football stuff. It's kinda therapeutic. And evening went to meet Chris to go to Huiyun's birthday party. Went to Aloy's place for the first time also. His house is freaking neat! Mine's a mess, it's irritating.

I hope I didn't spoil it for Huiyun though. I think we carried the joke a bit too far yesterday. Hmm... must clear things out if given the chance.

It was quite fun nonetheless. I suppose if not for things like that, it's difficult to meet up with those who have graduated.

I couldn't sleep last night again. Even though I woke early at 7 to go to NUS. Even though I had a tiring match. Even though I wasn't feeling well. Too much fun maybe? Or was it the surprise?

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03:14
Friday, June 16, 2006

____Can't Stop

Can't stop staying awake. Can't sleep. Can't stop thinking random stuffs. Can't help feeling that I'm the worst player at training. Can't give a good cross. Can't beat this player. Can't win the tackle. Can't believe I'm still awake after the mad training. Can't win. Can't afford to lose. Can't believe I'm not sleeping in this rainy weather. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't sleep. Can't sleep.
_______________________________________________

I believed if time passes, everything turns into beauty.
If the rain stops, tears clean the scars of memory away.
Everything starts wearing fresh colours.
Every sound begins playing a heartfelt melody.
Jealousy embellishes a page of epic.
Desire is embraced in a dream.
But my mind is still in chaos and ...

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14:23
Sunday, June 11, 2006

____No "I" In "Team"

Some people will never succeed, nor gain respect from others. These are the people who are self-interest motivated, lack focus and feed on others' success. Very often, they are the people who go through the motion, do the acceptable minimum, and lack initiative. In a team, these are the people who do not play their roles well and can never be counted upon for a spark of ingenuity. They aren't necessarily the good-for-nothings in the team but in the end, they create stress and frustration amongst teammates because they feed on the success of the team, which eventually, causes the team to lose focus and being unable to achieve a desired output or meet a required dateline.

A team wins because every member within itself works for the ultimate goal. Everyone shares an equal vision. Be it the completion of a project, securing a contract or winning the Champions League. Look at what happens to Manchester United when Cristiano Ronaldo is in one of his showy moods. Remember how Juventus crashed out of the Champions League when Zlatan Ibrahimovic decides that the pitch is a nicer place to sleep than the bed in his room?

Being self-interest motivated (or reward driven) is not necessarily a bad thing. However, when coupled with the lack of focus, the problems come rolling in. I use the Cristiano analogy again. Every footballer wants to win the league in which his club competes in and Cristiano isn't different. However, there are also defenders from Chelsea who want to win too. But just because these players are from Chelsea and that it gives temporary pleasure in doing a couple of stepovers to fool them, doesn't mean that it gives Cristiano a right to do so. Sometimes, a simple pass splits the defence would do the trick. That's where Cristiano switches focus and becomes self-interest motivated just because he is jealous of Chelsea's success (or for whatever reason).

Many times, these distractions or loss of focus do not happen just like that. They happen because of external factors - people with power to influence (your Dad, your friends, your girlfriend), situations that are beyond control (falling ill, falling down), et cetera. Remember a certain Mr Beckham who fell out with his mentor because of a certain Mrs Beckham who preferred her husband to live a celebrity lifestyle? Another example of human influence is very well-exemplified in the famous Shakespeare play "Macbeth". In the story, Lady Macbeth, spurred on by the ambition of limitless power and wealth, influences her husband to kill the king to usurp the throne. This is why, during examinations, it is good to get away from places with the most distractions, like places with gaming facilities.

Sadly, it is almost impossible to avoid having such a person in a team. Even the most successful teams tend to inevitably possess a bad apple. It was the saddest moment for music when Toshi decided to call it quits as lead vocalist from X-Japan. It is a well-known myth that Toshi's friend, Masaya, who creates "healing music" helped influence his departure from the band. Toshi too had gotten to tired of constantly being in the shadows of Yoshiki and hide, which caused the band to lose this very important quality of possessing an equal vision. In the end, X-Japan disbanded.

I may be wrong, but I forsee a very similar outcome with Shaun Wright-Philips the Chelsea reserve right-winger. Having enjoyed success of winning back to back EPL titles and monetary rewards there will bound to be jealous and disgruntled teammates, especially should he slacken off during training sessions. Poor him, unable to have regular games with Chelsea, is now also dropped from the England World Cup team - a first sign of not too good things to come. Whether or not he survives will depend on his mental toughness and whether or not he loses sight of his long term goal - to have a wonderful footballing career.

EID is coming to an end tomorrow. It has taught me lessons in many things. Not just engineering, not just practical aspects, but also the vital factors in making a powerful and strong team. In whatever responsibilities I uptake in future, I will look back at this date, and ensure that my selection of teammates are of "championship material", to form a formidable team such as that of Manchester United of 1999...
_______________________________________________

One point to note - It's a fine line between being tolerant and hypocritical.

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00:36
Thursday, June 08, 2006

____I Can't Play The Songs

Some songs cannot be heard again.

"Stay" - Lisa Loeb
"Back For Good" - Take That
"Was It Something I Didn't Say?" - 98 Degrees
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Fortunately, FK, JJ and Chris accompanied me for a run last night. It was great. It was great reliving 'Water Drop'!! Although technique wasn't there anymore after 2 years of not doing it. But the feeling of free fall still sent shudders through me.

Fear - sometimes we need to feel it to know how weak we actually are.

Look who's needy now...

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02:24
Tuesday, June 06, 2006

____I Try

Results are out today. Naturally there will be some peopl disappointed. Naturally there are those who aren't in the best of moods. There are those who are desperately in need for a run. I know sometimes things don't go too well. But there's always a run to turn to.

My results are okay. I'm glad I didn't fail anything. Surprisingly, I scored a B for the last paper. Beats me too. No idea what the hell happened. Slight improvement from the previous semester. But the improvement is too slow. I need drastic improvements to get my chances of 2nd class upper honours higher!! Okay, I'm greedy. But who isn't?

I just realised I jumped into this post without a topic to talk about. So maybe this could be one of those entries I'm going to find shitty in 10 years time. But I'm too bored now. Just felt a need to write down some principles I try to adhere to.

1. Studies/Career. For now it's the studies. I've been trying close to my best. I know I can do a lot better. Can't wait for the chance of another exam.

2. All roundedness. Yep. If the olden scholars/princes of China can do it, I don't see why I can't. Drawing bamboo, playing music, writing poetry, martial arts, studying, running the state. I'll be hugely glad to be able to do well in my studies/career, football, and playing amethyst on the piano.

3. To be nice. I know. I know. Nice people lose. All the time. But I try lah. No point being blunt sometimes and then hurt others' feelings. Of course, sometimes certain things people do to you are hard to take but I believe by swallowing it down, taking a step back, and understand that he/she is such a person, you can be able to tolerate the things he/she do better.

4. Spend time with my family. They are damn busy lah. I'm not good with words. And I don't know how to treat them. But I try to be home for dinner during weekends.

5. Spend time with friends. Not all friends. Just those who need me and I need them. Those that I can yell my lungs out to. Those whom I don't mind listening to their yells. Those that have a tad interest in my interests.

Note the above are not in priority. Just that I happen to think of the first ones first. Yeah, I'm trying.

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11:33
Sunday, June 04, 2006

____I Like Running, Don't You?

Looks like I like running metaphorically...

Don't know why I keep turning to the football. Is it because it listens to me better? God knows why the hell I ended up training with the soccer IVPs last Thursday... Damn they are good. They really put me in my place when it comes to reading the game, positioning, passing and a whole lot of other aspects. But of course, the dribbling session comes easily to me. Don't ask me why.

It's Sunday today and I rejected offers to play football with the Serangoon gang. I already had a game yesterday at NUS with ex-campmates and their friends. We started playing at around 4pm and ended at 7 plus. Of course there were breaks in between when we lost to the teams. In fact, I think we lost almost all our games. Cannot blame though, my team weren't seasoned footballers. And one man (me, hahaha) alone can't do much. Nevertheless, it was fun meeting up with EK and Weng again. It's nice to be around the intellectuals for a change. Bloody hell, nobody cap score consistently 4-point-something one lah...

Speaking of results, mine will be out in a couple of days. Now I'm really feeling the nervousness. I really fear for my final paper. I think I really did quite badly for it. And the chances of failing is high. Damn sad. Shouldn't have been that way. Just a little distractions that fateful fortnight, and it may just cost me one module. Sigh... I'm just too weak... Weak in the mind. Weak in discipline. Weak in making decisions. Weak in committing.

HAHAHA! It's raining now. Luckily I didn't go Serangoon to play football. Or else will have to cycle home in the rain again. Not that I minded actually. Sometimes it's nice to feel the wrath of the weather. To feel minute all over again. To feel small. To realise that somethings are beyond my control. To use this fact, console myself and say that sometimes I'm just unlucky. But cleaning up the bicycle is a chore.

Yup, I like running. Fast or slow doesn't really matter. Pace can be altered to suit the needs of the training session or the people you run with. Alone or with people doesn't matter too. Alone gives you some peace and tranquility. With buddies gives a sense of belonging and feeling of existence. I rarely run nowadays. But I plan to do a little tonight when I return to hall. Most of all, I like running......... metaphorically.

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____T.A.G.B.O.A.R.D

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