____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

I am but an exhausted fighter
Losing in many areas, many fields
Battered and torn by the war with life
Equivocating with reality and ideals

For the people still back in NTU, it is the start of the one week term break. It provides the undergraduates a slight rest from the hustle and bustle of school but for the more knowing, it is a wake up call for those who have not been making the best use of earth time.

This entry, though is a halftime report for me and also a reminder of where I should be and want to be. I think it is good to be provided with a 6 mth break from school so that there can be a comparison between the efficiency of time spent in school and back at home.

At the start of my period of industrial attachment, there were many things I wanted to do. Apart from the more important gaining knowledge of working life and also expertise in my field of study, I wanted to fix up my home a little and hopefully improve the quality of living. I view it as a step to prepare for future living.

So, three months into my IA, and besides clearing out some rubbish and buying new rubbish, nothing much is done. In terms of work, the progress is worse. I seriously need to buck up and perform better. This means lesser late nights, and more efficient time usage.

I MUST CUT DOWN ON TIME SPENT ON THE STUPID COMPUTER.

A big realisation is the amount I spend on the computer doing nothing but minesweeping and playing some stupid chinese chess programme. (And of course, reading MSN nicks and waiting for people to come online to chat with.) How dumb is that?

I need some direction. I need the energy that my Dad had. I need the strength to overcome the barriers in my life so that I can bring myself into the next chapter - into the next dawn. A sort of enlightenment that mentally and physically bring my performance to the next level.

And so, things I must do now for the rest of my IA time.
- Find out the things that is curbing the progress of the modeling project.
- Fix those things!
- Train, train, train to prepare for IHG soccer.
- Meet up with friends.
- Decide on what I want to do for my FYP and discuss with seniors.

I need drive. Sometimes we must take the wheel in our hands and drive.

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17:13
Saturday, September 16, 2006

____The Arts vs Science Debate.

Is it possible to be artistic and scientific at the same time? As an engineer, is it possible to admire the recent art exhibits? When did arts become science anyway? I mean, freak, there is this so-called artist who made a shirt of magnets or something and then a wall of metal, and then claimed it to be an art piece. And then she said something along the lines of "You know how an art exhibit attracts attention and draws people go closer to it? Well, now you have an art piece which literally does it..."

Come on, how cheesy is that?! I almost choked on my dinner from laughing while watching that particular news extract.

How Leonardo Da Vinci is renowned for being an artist and a scientist at the same time is really intriguing. To me, would he not drive himself insane with the clash of perception and mindset when going about with his work? I know I am driving myself nuts though. This modeling project for my IA is pretty upsetting. Motion capture for engineering is different from motion capture for animation.

For engineering, besides the visual aspects of the capture, other data is required as well. Important kinematic and dynamic data such as forces. For example, motion capture of a crash car also requires the capture of speed of car, deceleration, and impact forces. And then through this capture, graphic modeling is done and optimization will determine which crash structure is best for design.

For animation, you just need the positional data. x, y, z coordinates and then that's it. Fit it into your graphical model and drive it using some animation software and you have a wonderful movie called "Cars". Of course, certain database needs to be done to recreate things like damping of the car's suspension when braking and turning, but these algorithms need not comply with real life statistics. All you need is for the animation to look realistic enough.

I'm pretty okay with it until I think about the millions that movies are raking in. Holy crap. I pity those engineers at BMW and Mercedes - thinking till their heads explode just to balance the suspension and mass of the car and then nobody knows how to appreciate the "artistry" in their work.

Unfair ain't it? Even that word is called artistry too. For the engineer in me, it's scientistry. Just imagine the civil engineer's reaction when he sees the architect's design for the building of "School of Arts, Media and Design" in NTU - I bet his eyes almost popped out. When describing the architecture of a building, people really should go "Wow, what scientistry it takes to design that!"

On the other hand, imagine the conflicts when Insane Poet decides to counter Mr Professor - the footballer in me is now indignantly screaming to have some of his thoughts heard. Football should be loved by what it is - as an art. Aesthetics is the key to admiring Zidane's gravity-defying turns and Ronaldinho's wonderful ball control. But must the scientists from Chelsea all spoil it by throwing on robots into the fray and then start playing like a machine team to spoil the beautiful game?

Shame on Jose Mourinho. The Special One is famed to provide statistical data of the team's opponents to every member of his team. This data was reported to also include the styles of the exact member of the opponent that a Chelsea player will be facing. For example, if Chelsea plays Manchester United, Chelsea leftback Ashley Cole will be provided data of Manchester United rightwinger Cristiano Ronaldo. Sad now because this would mean the fall of the likes of Ryan Giggs and the rise of players like Robbie Savage. Heck, even his name spells trouble for the sport.

Also, the whole game is spoilt by the bloody statisticians who come up with the odds for gambling. Shame. Shame on the smart intellects. Look at the Italian Serie A. I bet the players must all be gutted by the fact that they train and play so hard only to have the results of matches to be manipulated by gambling forces.

It really should be "artistry" then. Because what has Kaka's ability to split the opponent's defence just by a single pass got to do with science? Absolutely nothing!
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And then the equivocation goes on and on. The Professor versus Insane Poet - if a war breaks out between the two identities in me, the battle will be more exciting than a World Cup Final...

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22:58
Sunday, September 10, 2006

____Bad Day

I scored two goals at Sunday soccer today. A standard clinical finish and a screamer after beating two guys. But I feel miserable. My team kept losing today and I was damn pissed off with some of the indecisive defending. And I did what Aik Leong does when things are not going well on the pitch - screamed at my teammates. Okay, it is afterall only a leisure Sunday court soccer game. But I really hate losing especially to teams who are obviously much poorer than us.

There were three teams today - mine, Alvin's team and Fat team. Alvin's team is a decent passing team that's really good as they play often together. While mine is just an anyhow-assembled team. What pissed me off is that the Fat team is really lousy but we kept losing to them due to defensive mistakes. Giap wasn't playing well. I must admit Zhongshun isn't as sharp as the secondary school days. So I was scolding my team half the time but there just wasn't much improvement.

We kept on playing after Giap and JJ left for home and the people from the fat team kept imitating my scoldings. So damn pissed off. I was drinking a bottle of 100plus and this new guy with a balding pate kept passing sarcastic remarks about waiting for me to finish drinking before carrying on with the game. Okay. I kept quiet and played my game.

Baldie and this other guy, Fatty were imitating me and kept mock scolding their own teammates - "Stop the ball lah!" and "You all defense damn lousy today lah!". Well, they've got the guts, especially Baldie. Because normally if you are a new guy, you keep quiet and just play the game.

Then this other fair guy, Whitey, was giving me hell with the rough tackling. And since it's my tendency to dribble with a lot of stepovers, he kept doing this irritating twisting of his legs to mock me whenever he's marking me. He's got the nerve.

And then it became all too much for me. In one instance, I spun round and after beating two guys, I smashed the scorching piledriver right into goal above the stunned Baldie. I swore if that ball skimmed his head, there will be nothing left on his already thinning scalp.

Eat my dirt, Baldie. If you play as an outfield player next week, I swear to kill you.
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I don't understand why people whom I love say things that hurts me so much. All I wanted was a better standard of living for everyone...
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And then Giap had to apologise for the poor performance today. Makes me all the more guilty for my outbursts.
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So miserable. And you just happen not to be here...

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