____T.H.E. .P.A.S.S.

20:34
Monday, October 30, 2006

____Who Killed The MockingBird?

So, I've failed a module in my first year, first semester. So, I did a "Re-". So, I probably ain't going to get my second class upper. So... I'm being mocked at. Or I have this feeling at least. Nevermind I passed it on my "Re-". Nevermind I got an "A" after my "Re-". I'd probably never be half as successful as Mockingbird.

In many ways, I'm thankful for the current financial well-being of my family. Ironically, it resembles, in many ways, too much like those you watch on TV. A little backstabbing here. A little mocking there. Though I would still like to say that much of the rest of it is pure genuine care. But sometimes it really stresses one to be in such a situation. Okay, great, everyone is doing well. Some are doing way too well. So where do I stand? Right at the bottom? If so, does it mean the right to be mocked at?

Or have I taken it all too seriously? Is it the pressure that is supplied to me by the family? Or is it a self-imposed desire to prove the rest wrong? Sure it may just all be a little way of showing a little concern, but the way it was brought across just stabs. So, mockingbird is successful. Mockingbird has a beautiful wife and 2 beautiful children. Mockingbird has a car. Great career. Loads of cash. Multiple degress. Have I mentioned the condo? Why even Mockingbird did the SOC at 6minutes plus - way faster than my 8min 9sec record. Well, I'll be owned. What have I got? (5/8 of an engineering degree... and erm... wonderful football skills) It just rubs in, doesn't it?

Like Wilson said, everything I needed financially was taken care of. All I needed to do was to focus on studying. But I admit to the fact that I cocked up along the way. Yet,to the rest, I have had already screwed up my entire education. Right? The word education is technically wrong already. Education is process at which one goes through to learn. But the situation I'm in now doesn't seem to allow "screwing up" be a part of education.

That's the way Singaporeans are brought up and that's why I'm consigned to believe that I'll never be half as good a businessman as Mockingbird. I've already lost out in terms of the qualifications - Mockingbird has a nice Business Administration paper. Besides that, I'm told to stay out of the business. "Go find a nice office job," they say, "air-conditioned and all. Keep away from the risks. No stress. Life's good."

"...and get mocked at." I thought to myself.

So, these days I'm wondering where I'd end up. Wel, not exactly these days - I've been wondering my entire 23 years where I'd end up. The only firm conclusion after years of investigation is that I'd probably be some speck of dust by the next century.

In the meantime, I'll just think about my FYP. Then maybe a little more about how I want to develop my career. Hopefully, by then, I wouldn't be thinking about killing the Mockingbird...

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10:43
Tuesday, October 24, 2006

____Kurenai of Manchester United

It must be no new news about how Manchester United cruised to a famous 2-0 victory over Liverpool but this season, the feeling that creates an orgasmic buzz about Manchester United is back. It is amazing how by just naming the players in the team provides me an excitement about football that no other teams have ever given me - yet, there is something strange about the way I came to support Man Utd.

It was only 1994 (wow! more than 10 years back) when I got in contact with football with a little interest. At that time, it was Sundram, Abbas Saad, Alistair Edwards and Fandi Ahmad playing in the Malaysia Cup. If I did not remember wrongly, we won Kedah 2-0 that year to lift the cup. We had a good team then, with players like the late Bohan Abu Samah, Malek Awab and Kadir Yahya backing up the four stars mentioned above.

By the time Singapore pulled out of the competition, my cousin was already bugging me about Man Utd. There was a lot of talk about Ryan Giggs but the rest of the team was still anonymous to me. Still that was when I started to support Man Utd. It sounded silly because in school, the guys were talking about football had a club to support. I picked Man Utd to be THE team, so as to be part of the guys, not because I knew Man Utd was great, but because it was the ONLY team I knew.

I know that supporting a winning team is easy. Afterall, not living in England means that I do not have to support the club of my hometown. After many years of being accused of supporting a winning team, I just had to justify my choice of selecting Man Utd.

I already knew Man Utd were winning stuff on a yearly basis by the time I was Sec 3 - that was when I took it upon myself to take a look at Man Utd playing. By that time, the era of players were Beckham and company, and the legend called Eric Cantona had retired. I have seen clips of the master in action but it is my regret never to have caught him playing a full match.

In 1999, United won the treble. That was the start of the tingling feeling Man Utd gave me. The heart, the spirit, the never-say-die attitude coupled with exciting play, wizardry winging in Giggs, hearty finishing from the strikers and Scholesy, and handsome Beckham (not that I gave it a damn). Oh yes, there was Roy Keane too - determination 100%, drive 100%, mad tackling 100%.

Sure, there were other great teams around. There was Real Madrid, when Fat Boy Ronaldo tore Man Utd apart with his brilliant hattrick. Arsenal, with their free flowing passing play. More recently, Milan and Barcelona - both teams led in attack by brilliant Brazilians in the form of Kaka and Ronaldinho. Although there was admiration, there was never a time when I felt the fighting spirit from within them.

Look at how Milan broke down in the second half by a spirited Liverpool couple of years back. Unbeatable Arsenal got their arse kicked by Man Utd 2 years back and they never found back their unbeatable form. Madrid collasped due to too many stars which resulted in the creation of the term "player power".

In contrast, what Darren Fletcher lacks in terms of technique, as compared to the rest of his teammates, he made it all up by the way he ran his lungs out against Liverpool. It's amazing. It's called the blood. The determination. The way Man Utd cannot bear to look at the face of the apparition called "Defeat".

Red is the rage of Rooney. I want this drive. Red is the colour of a winning team. When I pull on the blue jersey of Hall One coming InterHall Games, be sure that beneath this dull navy blue, there is a red that wills me to win. The red that similarly drove Roy Keane - the Kurenai of Manchester United.

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01:12
Sunday, October 22, 2006

____Endless Rain

Endless Rain - X Japan

Im walking in the rain
yuku ate mo naku kizutsuita karada nurashi (though everything seems to be hurting me for some reason)
karamitsuku koori no zawameki (there is only nothing)
koroshi tsuzukete samayou itsu made mo (just kill me now ... as I roam forever)
Until I can forget your love

nemuri wa mayaku tohou ni kureta (to me sleep is a confusing narcotic)
kokoro o shizuka ni tokasu (that only quiets the beating heart)
mai agaru ai o odorasete (all my love seems to flow from my body)
furueru karada o kioku no bara ni tsutsumu (like a heart felt memory)
I keep my love for you to myself

* Endless rain, fall on my heart kokoro no kizu ni (in this wounded soul)
Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness

Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me
You are just an illusion...
When I'm awaken, my tears have dried in the sand of sleep
Im a rose blooming in the desert

Its a dream, Im in love with you
madoromi dakishimete (hold me warmly in your arms)

* repeat

I awake from my dream I cant find my way without you

[guitar solo]

The dream is over koe ni naranai kotoba o kurikaeshite mo (I can no longer hear the voice of your gentle words)
takasugiru hai iro no kabe wasugi satta hi no (floating off tear stained walls)
omoi o yume ni utsusu (so awakening in the morning, I'll move into my dreams)
Until I can forget your love

* repeat

Endless rain, let me stay, ever more in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears, take in your memories

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18:44
Thursday, October 19, 2006

____Hiking

Hiking does not necessarily mean walking long distances in the wilderness. In sailing, hiking means something else. I've never sailed before, I don't know what hiking is really used for except probably to balance the laser. My boss told me to model someone hiking.

So that's someone doing the hiking bench. The hiking bench measures the forces in the xyz directions. The greater the force, the better because the laser would be able to attain more speed.

And so, at my first pathetic attempt, I did a 4-links model. Added some fake muscles and some fake muscle strength. Fake joint contraints. Fake segment lengths. Fake segment masses. Fake 2nd inertia of momentum. So fake. No wonder the model looks fake...

After some simple initial positions setting, I managed to get Mr Skeleton into the hiking position.

Fake angles. Fake initial positions. Fake mass. Fake environment. Still very fake. I decided to add muscles... I wanted a strong Mr Skeleton.

Me: "What strong abs you have!"

Mr Skeleton: "All to do the hiking bench better, my Dear!"

Still very fake. Fake angles. Fake positions. Fake movement. Fake environment.

I now need to add in the hiking bench. Gather more accurate force data. And then run the inverse dynamics analysis. As for motion capturing, I doubt it can be done within the course of my Industrial Attachment.

_________________________________________________

Seems like Saturday's soccer training is cancelled. ARGH.

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23:56
Sunday, October 15, 2006

____Nomad

Raymond was telling me to move on when I have already done so. Afterall, moving is what I've been doing eternally. Some may call it coincidence but to me, fate just plays wicked games sometimes for me to meet you again.

Nonetheless, there's this funny calm within me. To know that everything is going well, and still maintaining that radiance. If only thiis calmness spreads through every aspect of being me, I would be so much more sane than I am now.

I know now that I'm truly on my way again. Afterall, there is only really one thing that keeps ringing in my head. But I'm sure it will fade away soon.

It's officially 1 mth without football. And I drank a lot today. Even after having medicine. You'd think I'm nuts to say I'll die young. But then, I know I'm sane enough to conclude so...

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23:00
Thursday, October 12, 2006

____String Theory

Fast approaching a month since I last played football. I don't even start missing hall now. Plus I even doubt my chances of retaining a room in my fourth/final year. Sometimes you can't help but think time will distant you from your love. Don't you?
________________________________________________

Chanced upon this interesting article on the "String Theory" that was brought forth by scientists during the 80s. It would be around twenty years now that the idea was first proposed and this article argues about the validity of this theory and whether or not the resource of the world's brainiest people should focus in proving (or unproving) this seemingly absurd idea.

String Theory article.

To briefly explain, String Theory is an attempt to unify the two varying laws of physics - Quantum and Wave. Ever since Einstein's amazing discovery of E=mc^2, physicists have struggled to explain the existance of Quantum without compromising the validity of Wave, and vice versa. For the unknowing, quantum explains the behavior of small particles by little packets of energy, while wave explains the behavior of large, massive objects. Yet, the two theories cannot be used interexchangeably.

In physics terms, an equation the unifies the theories is the Holy Grail for all scientists - the answer to this mystery that eluded even the great Einstein. To me, this equation will probably never emerge in my lifetime. It suggests the existence of 10 dimensions, and the presence of an infinite number of universes - what they call "Parallel Universe". However, I do hope that one day, humankind will finally discover this Holy Grail so that future generations will not suffer the the lonely feeling that the wolves do when they howl. Hopefully, by then, there will be no more comparisons of human living with that of living in a giant ant nest.

Hopefully...

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18:23
Saturday, October 07, 2006

____A Week Of Robotising

Firstly, bloody fuck! I spent an hour or so typing my latest post and it just disappeared like that.....
____________________________________________________

In the process of robotising myself, I have made some progress in the modeling process. It appears that the parameters provided by the hiking bench is not sufficient in obtaining an inverse dynamics solution to the modeling. So what I have got to do now is to do up a simpler 4link/joint model and hopefully it will produce decent results.

Zombification helps make work more efficient.

Of course, I do identify with Hui Yun that it may not be necessarily a good thing. But then again, the situation cannot be helped. So to aid me in my process, my supervisor and I went for a run on Wednesday when the haze cleared up a little. The running route took us from National Stadium to the Esplanade similar to the AHM training days except that this time round, we ran along the coastline. I cannot deny that I am addicted to "mentally purifying" through "physical torture" such as running, cycling and of course, footballing.

The run was not particularly good - my supervisor just had to stop to rest upon reaching Esplanade instead of just turning back. Despite the long legs that supported his lanky 1.9m frame, I was surprised and frustrated with my supervisor's slow paced run. Well, since he was pretty apologetic for the lack of tempo, I just treated it as a chance to take a look at the beautiful scenery. Not that the scenery was particularly good either - the haze had a lot to do with it. And then the run was nearly spoilt when my supervisor just had to mention that I must be used to running slow since I run pretty often with friends in hall...

The haze took a turn for the worse as the week wore on. It is probably needless to say that it is caused by deliberate attempts to clear out forests so that more land is available for use. I must say that it is a very unprofessional job done considering the amount of pollution that it has produced. From news reports, the environmental minister from Indonesia said that this burning process is illegal but they can't do anything about it.

Of course it is illegal!!! But when does it mean that nothing can be done about it? Is there really nothing that could be done to improve the situation? I don't think so. I have this feeling that the Indonesian government is adopting this "close-one-eye" stance and I can understand why. Indonesia is a poor country and that in order for future development, more available land is required. But since the technology and finance is limited, they just do it the cheap and easy way - mass burning.

I'm very indignant about it. It is a selfish act. An inconsiderate act. I hate this kind of attitude where someone does something that is of convenience to himself without thinking about the problems that his actions will cause others. They just burn without considering the pollution that comes with it. So poor souls like us have to endure a period of wheezing and sneezing. It is like sweeping the leaves from one's own front door to his neighbour's just because he is lazy to find a dustpan.

Stupid haze is preventing me from making cycling trips to Woodbridge Hospital at night... Hate it!

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18:28
Sunday, October 01, 2006

____Absence...

And so, my latest story should end now given the amount of useless time I spent in it. It should have really ended much earlier - or it shouldn't have started. As I take my first step into emptying my brain, the jarring pain is ceaseless. I should have known that fear is the biggest wall that obstructs a person's success. Well actually I do know, just that there was really nothing I did about it.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and imagine what 2 weeks of football-less days have done to ultimately wreck me. It's not as though I'm injured. Yet, nobody came knocking on my door for a game. I really should have taken initiative, shouldn't I? Come to think about it, there was someone asking me for a game, but then why the hesitation, Robin? Be brave and grab your chance. It's not as though I have not played against strangers before. Deja vu it seems when I said I left my boots in hall.

Well, he said that if he manages to find a pair of size10-half boots, he'll contact me so that I can join them for a game. And then I waited and waited and waited again, for the phone call that never came. Size 10-half boots... is it that difficult to find a pair? And then it dawned upon me that it really shouldn't be someone else's responsibility to find that pair of boots. Because if I want to play the game, I should find my own boots! So the question about initiative comes into play again. Robin, Robin... how many times do you want people to take the initiative? It's not that often for someone to be called to play for a team.

Who do you think you are, Robin?! Some big soccer star? You've gotta be kidding. Afterall, you are still where you started out - kicking a freakin' rubber ball as though you're the best player in the area.

Force it out, force it out. Pump it out. Puke it out if need be! Empty that madness of the mind. Nobody stays up late to wait around. It is called madness. Ah, but even the smartest people in the world are guilty of this folly. This madness. But even some fools identify with the fact that some things will be gone when they are meant to be gone. So begone and force it out.

When this entry ends, make sure the jarring pain stops. Look forward and be sure not to be foolish again. Be sure that... something wonderful is being prepared. Specially for me.

Oh how I wish I wouldn't click on the "Publish Post" button.

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____T.A.G.B.O.A.R.D

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